Missing Ukraine

Over the past two years, I have grown to love the people of Ukraine. I have many wonderful friends and amazing children there that I miss on a daily basis. There was a little girl that came into my store today who reminded me of my precious little Anya. I see her face everyday, and each day that goes by I consider myself to be one day closer to returning to see all the children that I have fallen in love with there.

One night a couple of weeks ago, I had a dream about Ukraine that was so vivid that when I awoke I thought that I was there. When reality sank in I was so disappointed to find myself still in Orange Beach. I plan to return soon, so please pray with me that soon will actually be SOON. And please pray for these special children that God will protect them and give them courage so that they will turn to him and trust in him completely.

It Sucks!

Sometimes the only appropriate response to something is "It sucks!" When asked certain questions, that response is simply the only response that will accurately reflect how I feel , and I am so thankful to have friends who realize and appreciate that.
My grandfather Dan died one week and a half ago, Saturday, March 13, 2010, at 6:08 pm, and all I have to say is "It sucks!" And I mean this with all my heart. The thought of him not being here sucks! Yes, I know that he is in heaven living it up with Jesus right now not suffering at all, and that is great and awesome and wonderful, but him not being here simply sucks. The thought of not being able to talk to him or hear him tell stories, and see him fall asleep in the middle of telling a story sucks!
Seeing him take care of Pat (my grandmother, we call them Pat and Dan), riding around with him in Enterprise while he tells me about everything we pass, hearing him laugh, hugging his neck, telling him I love him...not being able to do any of these things anymore just SUCKS!

My grandfather was and always will be one of the most amazing men to gracefully walk this Earth. He was smart, honest, athletic, kind, loving, funny, and much much more. He used to write letters and numbers on my back and get me to guess what he was writing. He would do this for what seemed like hours, and I loved it! I miss him, and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. A week and a half ago, my response was tears, rivers of these uncontrolable tears. But now after the rivers of my face have dried up and gone away, I have but only one response left about Dan's death, "it sucks!" It really really sucks!

4 Month Old Mom

So I've been thinking about and saying (to myself) that I was going to start a blog for a while now because I always have so much going through my head but have the inability to remember 99 percent of it. Blogging sounded like the answer, and it seems like a good way to keep everyone informed since I clearly am not good with keeping up with people via phone. I really thought I would get better, but that hasn't quite worked out the way I planned! And I apologize to everyone now! This blogging thing is my attempt to correct a weakness and document my life as boring or as interesting as you might find it. So here goes...

Yep that's right...for those of you who do not know, I have been a foster mom for a little over four months now. Crazy, maybe, but if you know me at all...then you know if it sounds crazy then I typically want to do it. The difference here is that taking Faith (my 15 year old foster child) into my home, to me, was not some crazy idea at all, but instead a direct request from God to help this child.

For the first time, I heard Him loud and clear. It was amazing and scary and comforting all at the same time to know for sure...to not question whether it was real or not. Now four months in, I still know without doubt that He is using me for His purpose. As human and screwed up as I am; He is still willing to use me, now that's what I find crazy. :)

It is not easy; it has been hard at times for both of us. I went from being 28 and single, living alone and doing my on thing on my own schedule to having a 15 year old girl living with me. I am responsible for her, her well being, her actions, her education, her LIFE. A little scary, but much more exciting than anything.

She is a great kid. She has her issues, but we all do. She is a drama queen, but what 15 year old girl isn't? She is loud and demanding and difficult. She is stubborn and emotional and stingy. However, more importantly, she is unique and smart and beautiful. She loves life even if she says she doesn't. I see it in her eyes. There hides a hint of happiness that sneaks out and shines bright even if just for a second. She knows it's there, but it's well guarded. It has to be. Her life has not been easy. She's been acting as an adult for most of her life, yet she is only 15.

She been through more than I will probably ever see or know. That has been hard for us. I try to relate, but it's hard to relate to something that is unknown to me. I try hard, but there are some things that I will never relate to. I only hope that see will learn to trust me to help her through what she has gone through and continues to go through as best I know how. I have to trust God completely because I am new at this, and I am still learning as we journey together. God is faithful, all He asks is that we trust Him and be faithful as well.

I now have a better appreciation for my parents. I realize and understand their reasoning when I was younger (for the most part :). I am thankful that they did not let up, give in, or give up! Please join me in my journey by praying for me and for Faith. This road is definately not easy. It is a daily struggle at best some days. I need prayer warriors. If you pray, please pray for us!!!!

Thanks for reading, and hopefully I can keep blogging. Time will tell...it always does!
Sweet dreams :)

Taryn